nevver:

Peanuts

charlie brown brown brown brown

nevver:

Peanuts

charlie brown brown brown brown

linte

linte

i have this habit.
of when i learn the date.
id think of what i did a year ago.
or two years ago.
or three years ago.
on that same date.

it feels to me like a brain exercise of some sort.
but what it actually brings me is wonder.
a bit of nostalgia.
and sadness.
and guilt.
sometimes regret.

like today its the 30th of march.
so uhm.
now im in baguio.
the least of places youd think of to be.
the least of all facts and possibilities if you were to think of what i did think during last year.

so last year. i was tutoring korean kids. english. how to speak in english. i know. dont judge. i received like a salary of minimum of secret. sustaining salary.
expecting someone to come home.

last two years. i was in cavite.
having my ojt. and dying to get home to someone.

last three years. i guess i was in fourth year college. so i was in manila.
fieldtrip. i believe so.

not so much here.
plain old memories.
remembering.
which i always do.

stupid freakin habit.

this much i know part i

its exhausting to have this thought. no. these thoughts over and over and over and over again. and have this swirl of emotions it makes you want to puke. you eventually be sick from restless nights. because even in your dreams these thoughts haunt you. these memories. these what ifs you could have done instead. if in the future the choices you make will eventually turn to be the worse. like it all did. all your life. all the ‘big’ decisions you made will sum up to this very moment. it will just equate to you being a big broken person. what are the things you could have done differently. hit reset. oh God. how you wish you could actually do that. but you cant. and then a pang will hit you right where it hurts most. leaves you barelybreathin yet alive. live out the days as if you are dead. or rather in the most perfect sense. die out the days as if you are alive.

hello!

when you say hello and you mean to say it with so much more.

hello, i miss you.
hello, its freezing and i need your warmth.
hello, can you call me?
hello, can we talk?
hello, im really sick.
hello, everything hurts.
hello, can you please. please. just..

but instead you work with a smiley  because its the easiest option.

hello :)

and then i came to a lost.

idontknowhowtouploadtextwithphotosoforgiveme

idontknowhowtouploadtextwithphotosoforgiveme

no sleep.

you ask me how long weve known each other ill say about.. 12 years.

how we ended to be what we are now ill say its the random reasons of one. attempt for a new seating arrangement on our senior year. two. staying inside the homeroom during pe classes due to excemptions (cat officer/ with medical condition). three. fascination with pusoy dos. four. staying til late hours after dismissals. five. the not so important but unforgettable histories that we respectively have with each other.

did i know we’ll turn out to be an important person in each other lives. i did not.

are you the same people. in a way we are and we are not. we changed but we did it together.

are you always together. no. thats the thing. were not. we need not be always together.

similarities. we think. too much. and we talk. if its necessary. and every time is necessary.

the best thing that has come from this. this may sound full front cheesy and yucky. but. what the hell. i think these bunch are my soulmates. we are best friends forever bro. haha.

are you thankful for them. yes and so much more.

thank god for highschool. the fun never stops. right you are.

some 2 days ago hihi

some 2 days ago hihi